Would you like to play a game?

The little things in life are so much more enjoyable when you’re procrastinating.

I have just summed up my life in the above sentence. You can probably relate seeing as how you’re reading a blog about vices.

That’s right. I know you. I’m one of you.

You like to put off assignments until the very last minute because other things are just so much more enjoyable to do. Facebook, YouTube, Netflix, StumbleUpon, anything that will keep you from typing up that paper that’s due in eight hours.

Oh wait, that was seven hours ago. FOCUS!

Whenever I’m bored with nothing to do, I’ll probably check the old Facebook to see what’s new while I open up a new tab to see if any of my YouTube subscriptions has updated. I usually have a brief session of the Internets when I want to waste time.

However…

When I find myself at a computer for an assignment, I’ll be on the Internets to waste time. I start reverting back to websites that I have not been on since my sophomore year of high school. I’m talking about online flash games. AddictingGames, Kongregate, and Newgrounds are all casual online gamer staples.

Unlike many such gamers, I’m not one to play the games on Facebook. Aside from getting pointless notifications, spam, and the inevitable lagging, I just don’t find the games very enjoyable. According this graph, there are many people that would disagree with my gaming taste.

If you want a taste of my taste, I have listed some of the standout games that I have played in recent memory in no particular order:

Infectonator: World Dominator
This game is all about creating the ultimate virus that causes those who become infected to become zombies. Its retro pixely graphics only make the game more enjoyable. Beware: this game is hard to stop playing.




Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3
It’s the third installment of the Guitar Hero-like series and it’s definitely harder than the first two. Be perseverant! Your frustrations will be worth the sweet victories in the end!



Afro-Ninja Escape Series
These 1st person games force you to strategically think outside of the box… and drive you to click on every single pixel on the screen. In all honesty, these games are interesting and fun. Once you beat one, you’ll find yourself starting another one.



Coma
This very nice looking game is one that will make you think about life. The graphics make me think of Tim Burton, and the story is pretty emotionally involved. You’ll want to play this one through just on curiosity alone.



Age of War 2
This follow-up to a simple strategic war game is an interesting one. It is your base against an enemy base in battles that evolve through the ages from cavemen to futuristic warfare.




These are just a few games that I have been sucked into thanks to my avoidance of work. If you liked these, tell your grades and your boss that I apologize for your future distractions.

By the way, the title was a Saw reference. I know, lame. Don't judge me.

Yea, I like to shoot people

So I used to like to shoot people. All the time. It was always fun and excellent. And most the time, they were actually real people.

Of course, this was online.

There used to be something fun about gaming online. Back before Xbox and Playstation 2 had online capabilities, there was another system that dominated the interwebs. The PC. Holy shit. I know, it's crazy. This was the ultimate gaming platform and usually had mature, smart people that played games with others. It was less of a social event than it is now, but it had one huge advantage:

There were no fracking kids.

When I say that, I do not mean that I don't like kids. I just don't like kids that feel the need to play online games that are above their age range. It might be a little hypocritical to say that now, because I played over-the-top violent games when I was younger. Doom: check. Starcraft: check. Half-Life: check. Quake III: check. There were times when my screen would be covered in viscera and gore. My mom hated it. I loved it.



I even played online (which might make me the biggest hypocrite), but there was no, or limited voice communication. Essentially, the communities of players were better.

You might want to turn your speakers down for this.


Now, there's an infestation. All these kids that come home from school go straight to the Xbox 360 or PS3. They fire it up and jump right into a match of Modern Warfare 2. They also never forget to put on their headsets. And that's the worst part. These little frackers spout some of the most vile and despicable things I have ever heard. I wouldn't be so made is their lexicon of profanity had only four words and various transformations.

You can get a terrible version of whatever song they have on their stereo. You might hear a parent in the background yelling at them to do something (which is my personal favorite). They never, ever forget to tell you how much better they are than you at that specific game and what you can do to their favorite part of their body. This could be during the game or in the game lobby. No matter where, it drives me crazy. I'm not saying that I am entirely innocent of language getting out of hand, but as I've gotten older, I've stopped speaking like that.

I don't know what it is. Maybe mom and dad aren't home so they can say whatever they want. Maybe mom and dad suck as parents. The game is rated by ESRB, but clearly, parents don't give a frack. I have recently came to the opinion (especially as an essentially lifelong gamer) that these ratings are usually a good thing.

Single player games that are rated M tend to have more mature themes. I don't know if a 13 year old would fully understand what Mass Effect 1 and 2 (best stories in a game) are about. They wouldn't catch some of the deeper meanings that they story is giving the player. Someone that age probably wouldn't fully understand the full story behind Grand Theft Auto 4 or Red Dead Redemption (some of the most fun to be had in a game). That said, I believe that a 13 year old would understand the story of Halo. This is just an age and maturity level issue. Granted, there are people my age that probably wouldn't understand about these meanings as well.

ESRB tells the player in the boot screens that the online content is not rated by them. If it was, every single multiplayer compenant of games would be AO, or Adults Only.

I guess that I'm mad at a few groups of people that have essentially turned me off to multiplayer shooters, something that I used to love. I only play with friends now.

I hope someone catches the references in this.

For such a long fracking post, here is something really awesome.

Play both of these videos at the same time.


Mute this one and watch fullscreen: