The Pros and Cons of Watching Movies Existentially

I love movies. I love television. I love books. I love music.

I love everything about them. I love the drama, the romance, the horror, the beauty and the truths, the bittersweet tragedy and the happily ever afters. The only problem with all that is that when its over, I have to come back to the real world.

In real life, things are totally lame, and it took me too long to come to grips with.

In real life:

Even if you make this your ring tone,

you still won't get urgent phone calls from the president's private line.

You can't find secret passageways that lead into John Malkovich's subconscious.

When you finally get with that girl you've been pining after, the whole city WILL NOT dance with you as you walk home.

If you're chasing the love of your life through an airport, random strangers won't let you cut them in line for the bag check.

Even if you do, by some absurd chance get on that plane with said love interest, I guarantee you, Billy Idol won't be there to help you win her back. He's probably too busy trying to find a way to meet the love of his life through a Vh1 reality show.

COLLEGE IS NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!

Sorry, I got a bit carried away there, but the thing is, I've spent most of my life convinced that some of this had to be true. I've always tried to relate this crap to my life, thinking that was the only way I could be truly fulfilled.

At some point, I came to define my identity as some kind of volatile combination of Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge, Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer, Robert Downey Jr in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, John Cusack in High Fidelity Dominic Monahan in Lost,Michael Cera in Arrested Development, and the protagonist in the Killers' "Mr Brightside".

Likewise, my girlfriend and I have stated many times that we are some kind of ridiculous combination of Breakfast at Tiffany's and Wuthering Heights.

My model for later in life is a safe blend of Hank Moody and Mufasa.

I can't help myself. I approach life as a really long HBO miniseries. Just one big long story full of characters and plot turns. Some people may think that I've lost touch with reality, but they said the same thing about Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception and everything turned out okay for him.

I think...

Either way, people may think my preference of living in a fantasy world is a vice, but I say, when the "real world" is full of stuff like this:

I'm off to Never Neverland!